Sending love to all my readers during the holiday season. If you are struggling with infertility like myself, or with loss of a loved one, strained relationships, feelings of sadness, anything- I know the holidays can be tougher than regular days. Please take care of your self this holiday season. Know you are not alone in whatever you are going through, and that it will get better. I don’t know when, but it will. It has to.
The holidays have always been a tough time for me while I was struggling with infertility, but this year was especially hard, as I had a miscarriage right at the start of holiday season.
What I find so hard about the holidays is the emotional burden. Yes, holidays are supposed to be a happy time, however it is quite difficult to be happy just because you are “supposed” to be. I can’t be happy on demand. Not when I am still mourning my previous loss and not while I am unsure of what the future will bring.
What we do on the holidays is up to us. Sometimes, being with family/loved ones is a nice distraction from our problems. But sometimes it can make us feel worse. Thinking of all the traditions you loved as a child, and being unable to share it with yours. Seeing other family members with children of their own. It’s emotionally taxing! To that I say- do what is best for you. I received news of my fetal loss the week of Thanksgiving. I cried to my family over the phone but there was no way I could attend my large family gathering and put on a happy face, even for a few hours. I needed time with my husband to mourn, to reflect.
I’m not advising you to skip on holiday traditions, but rather do what will bring comfort the most.
As the new year is approaching, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting (more on that later, probably). Stay strong and wishing you all brighter 2019.